This was a very heated conversation I had last week with a group of friends and all went flaring.How right is it or how wrong is it?Anyway let us delve in it.
Getting married is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make. If marriage is a lifetime commitment, then why not have a “trial run” before making it official?
Many couples do exactly that. In fact, living together before marriage is becoming increasingly common, even among Christian couples. We reason that living together before marriage just makes sense. This is particularly a strong argument for those who are hesitant about a lifetime commitment. Having witnessed the pain divorce creates in many families, they know that a fairy tale wedding in a packed church doesn’t guarantee happily-ever-after ending.
Cohabitation sets a couple up for bailing on marriage when things get difficult. Holding sexual fidelity and the marriage covenant as sacred before God impacts your willingness to work through the challenges of life together.
Studies also indicate that couples living together are more likely to experience sexual unfaithfulness, domestic violence, and higher levels of relational unhappiness.
Cohabitation is intimacy on a man’s terms.
Glenn Stanton, author of The Ring Makes All the Difference believes strongly that the growing trend toward cohabitation is putting women at risk. While women have great power in the marriage relationship, they have relatively little “leverage” as a live-in. Stanton argues that cohabitation puts men in the driver’s seat. They get what they want (sex and companionship) without giving what they fear (commitment).
While this may be painting with a broad brush, I think Stanton is hitting on a fundamental truth. To a large degree, men are convinced to commit to marriage because they long for companionship and a sexual partner. When a woman makes marriage the condition for giving herself to a man, she may lose a guy who has no interest in commitment, but she will challenge a “good man” to take the step of a marriage covenant.
Cohabitation is taking yourself out of God’s will.There is nothing I fear more than being out of God’s will. I’ve seen enough pain and devastation in this world to know that I need God—every hour of every day, I need his wisdom and comfort. As my husband, Patric, and I navigate our marriage, we know that on our own, it’s not enough. No amount of psychological training, self-help books, or will power can adequately equip us for life.
I find tremendous comfort knowing that we can cry out to God and trust him to give us wisdom no matter what comes our way. Even when I don’t feel His presence, I know he is there. Why? Because He has promised me that He will draw near to us when we draw near to Him. Access to God’s wisdom and comfort is largely dependent upon our willingness to abide in him—to walk in obedience. “So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth. But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin,” 1 John 1:6–7 says.
By choosing to ignore God’s teaching on marriage and sexuality, you are electing to walk in darkness and to do life on your own terms. You can’t claim the rich promises of God while living in stubborn rebellion against His expressed will for you.
Now what?
Taking a stand to be sexually pure when you’ve already crossed that line takes a step of faith. Frankly, it means that you might lose your boyfriend/girlfriend. It means that you may have to temporarily create an earthquake in your life. The ground that seemed steady will shift.
But the foundation you choose is absolutely critical. “Playing married” without the sacred commitment of marriage is choosing to build a house on an unstable and volatile foundation. I urge you to bring yourself before Jesus and ask him to show you how to rebuild on the truth of his unchanging Word.
Phenomenally human 