SHE SAYS…….
We all have them. Those things in the past that cut deep. So deep that when we think about them now, we start to feel the same emotions well up in us that did when we first experienced the hurt. As women we tend to interlink our life experiences with our emotions. So our past hurt can stir up emotions we thought for sure we had dealt with.
In marriage as well as in life when we dwell on the past, we tend to live in the past. Our hurts can threaten to stick us in one place but on the other hand it is vital in that they teach us many lessons and allow us to grow.
So how do we balance learning from the past and letting go?
- He can’t change the past, so stop expecting him to.
The things he has said or done cannot be undone. This does not mean that he is not accountable for his actions but that our God forgives when we come to Him with a broken and contrite spirit. Sin is no longer a stronghold on him but in God he is redeemed.
- Look for God’s Footprints
Matt Redman’s song “Never Once”, says that
“Kneeling on this battle ground, seeing just how much You’ve done knowing every victory was Your power in us. Scars and struggles on the way but with joy our hearts can say, yes, our hearts can say: never once did we ever walk alone, never once did You leave us on our own. You are faithful, God, You are faithful.”
So look back and see God’s faithfulness, choose to remember that.
- Focus switch
It is always good to find something else to focus on. Other than pray and talk to God is to seek His word on what he wants for YOU as a wife.
HE SAYS…….
The past doesn’t always stay neatly in the past. When past hurts, pains and doubts creep back into marriage you have a choice. Fight or Surrender.
The other side of hurts is the side of the forgiven. That is when we have been forgiven for wounds caused, mistakes we made and sins committed.
- Wave the white flag.
When the day comes that an old doubt, fear or hurt crosses your wife’s mind its natural instinct to defend yourself. It is important that we fully surrender and choose to say again, “I’m sorry I hurt you” and “I love you”.
Taking a posture of surrender is not natural for men.Guilt,shame and sadness are not emotions that any man will voluntarily choose to feel .
- Your wife is NOT GOD
When God forgives He removes that sin from us as far as the east is from the west. (Psalms 103.12).This is God’s nature but it’s not human nature. Your wife is striving to get there but from time to time the sin comes up from the past to influence her present.
Understanding this will help you love your wife during such moments.
..May we strive to get there.
Phenomenally human 