“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony, in a moment”. – Mr. Darcy,Pride and Prejudice.
I once shared this post and would like to revisist it,its quite interesting after a friend of mine got himself in the same web….
” For the past few days, I feel like the process of having our minds be renewed, as well as the rest of us, is being heavily impressed upon me. At church on Sunday, the preacher discussed the importance of using our intellects to dissect and address the doubts that faith can so often bring to the surface. I had a conversation just yesterday with someone who pointed out that so many of our insecurities rest in the fact that our minds and thoughts are not being continuously brought under the lordship of Christ. And now, this idea was brought to my attention when I thought about how one’s imagination (especially for us ladies) affects dating and the path to marriage.
Arguably, the fact that there can be so much confusion when it comes to the beginning stages of a relationship, especially within Christian circles, does little to help the situation. Again, because of various books and teachings promoted recently in the Christian community, the process of moving from friend to date is fuzzy and can almost seem intrusive. Take, for example, the coffee date, using two made up examples.
Sheila is a bright, bubbly woman who has a lot of friends within her church and really does seek to honor the Lord in everything she does. Mike is also a strong believer, but he’s quieter and a bit more reflective than Sheila. Sheila and Mike are friends – nothing more. Mike thinks Sheila’s cute, but he doesn’t really see the need to make a move and ruin a good thing. Besides, he’s not quite sure that he’s ”ready” for a relationship. Sheila, on the other hand, thinks Mike’s great and wonders why he just can’t see how great they’d be together! So eventually, they have a wee chat after church one day, and Sheila brings up the book they are reading together, along with a few other friends. She suggests they grab a coffee to discuss it, so Mike agrees. They leave and plan for Saturday, when they go to a local coffee shop, drink coffee latte(at least, Sheila does) and use the guise of their common reading to dig a little deeper into the other person’s thoughts. Mike decides that he should pay for Sheila’s drink, since his mother used to tell him that that’s what good guys do. So Sheila takes the drink and spends the rest of the “date” floating because she’s convinced this is the beginning of a wonderful relationship. And while unassuming Mike is talking about his opinions on how to fight against idolatry, Sheila is imagining their future life together in their hometown, Malindi with two kids. Once their time is over, Mike thinks that it was a great experience – he got to talk to Sheila in a more one-on-one setting, and she didn’t have any expectations at all! He just knows that she understands that it’s just a friends thing, because it’s safer that way. Meanwhile, Sheila gets home and checks her phone every hour just to see if Mike has left a little cutesy text message for her. He never does, and Sheila gets angry. And then hurt. And Mike doesn’t understand why she doesn’t seem as happy to see him when they see each other at church the next day.
Clearly, this is an example of miscommunication in addition to the main issue at hand. However, there’s something deeper going on. Sheila’s expectations are so high for the coffee date that she ascribes her own (at that time, unrealistic) desires for the situation onto Mike, who is oblivious to them and has his own understanding of what’s going on. This speaks a lot to the problem of “friend-lationships” that are going on in the church in full force these days, but that’s for another time. Essentially, there are two ways that the “coffee date” can be turned into a vehicle for mass confusion and dashed expectations.
The first is to assume that the coffee date means more than what it is. But that is dangerous thinking, and will and often does lead to bitterness and resentment towards the unsuspecting other person. Additionally, some people might get nervous by the prospect if they’re not sure if they’re interested in the other person – does their date think that they’re going to automatically want to be in a relationship?! No, I don’t think that should be the case. There should be freedom and openness with these situations; a commitment does not come from just one coffee date, and it is unhealthy to put such high expectations on just one interaction.
The second confusion-enhancing aspect of the “coffee date” is to treat coffee dates as if they are less than what they are. Guys, this probably pertains most to you. If you ask a woman on a date, even if it’s coffee, it’s best to be honest and upfront with your intentions.
Phenomenally human 