Is It Chatting,Cheating or Tujuane?

I am a techgal,I love technology, am a fan of  social media but there’s just a limit to what it can do in terms of corrupting our virtues.

Facebook Is Just one of the many social media sites that has given us a new way to communicate with others.  It Is used to keep up with trending topics in others lives in a quick and creative way.

Unfortunately, sin and temptation lead us beyond appropriate relationship boundaries using these social media sites as a means of intimate communication with people outside of our marriages.

Let us be careful how we use facebook and other social sites.  Talk to your spouse about boundaries and keep each other accountable to the exclusivity of intimacy in your marriage.

I love facebook! I have up to date pictures from my friends, prayer requests,my former classmates talk to me about what college their attending and so much more fun stuff. I have met very good friends on the platform.I love all that fun communication!

I also don’t like facebook. I don’t like when someone writes something distasteful, or posts pictures that are not appropriate, I dont like the gossip or negative ethnicity but most of all I don’t like what it does to the marriage institution.

”””””””””””””’

A few months back James came home from work and told his wife,Rita, about how he had asked the wife (Essy)of an old high school buddy if her husband (John) had email(on Facebook). Essy soon told James they were divorced but it didn’t end there. She went on about how she was abused and abused by him .James told his wife Rita all of this conversation.  She told James to be careful, because she was giving too much intimate information and she could be trying to suck him in to her life.

The husband, feeling very secure in their loving wonderful marriage of 12 years said she was right and he would be careful.

Well unknown Rita the conversations kept going and going.  Her husband James says he thought he was helping her by listening. She just kept pulling him in by heaping on the personal information.  After a while Rita started having this strange feeling that something wasn’t right. She had her husband’s password to his account (due to trust and  accountability) on facebook. So about 11:30am during the weekday(with a strong feeling), she logged on his account and looked at his messages.  What she didn’t realize was James was chatting with her right then! She stopped breathing for a second, she felt her whole world spin out of control.

This is what she read…….

“I’m sorry you’re hurting” her husband , James 

“I hurt all the time, people have said they love me but they don’t really.” Ess

“I love you” James

“I wish I was with you” Ess

“You are my everything. I want to make everything alright for you.” James

“I wish I would have met you earlier, you are a gentleman” Ess

“Me too. xoxoxo” James

She was angry , devastated. She decided to call him and confront him on his friendship with Ess.She was still in front of the computer and as she was talking to him he wrote to her…

“I got to go somehow my wife found our conversations.I will have to delete them. I will talk later. Love you.” James

Ess wrote “Uh oh, you’re in trouble now.”

James told Rita he was coming home. She had twenty minutes to think. She started packing. Her stuff and her two kids stuff. She was shaking and crying. She thought their marriage was so good. They love God, they love each other they love their kids. They go on dates, they talk to each other, they share, they hold hands, they do things for each other. How could this be? She warned him! How could he do this to God, her, to them, to their kids?

James came home and they talked and talked (Ok, she yelled and yelled). He said he thought he could help Ess feel better without getting involved ,He said he thought he was strong enough to handle it. That he was a strong enough Christian to help her. He thought because he loved his wife so much he couldn’t get sucked in. He could just be a friend and help her.

This had rocked her marriage to the core,trust was broken,their marriage vows shaken,the wife he was supposed to protect and shield was hurting.God holds him accountable for his marriage He begged, pleaded, and most of all he learned a huge lesson.

No One Is Strong Enough!Marriage couples must stand in guard in Christ,lest they too become lured by the strong pull of the world.

………….

It still hurts

SHE SAYS…….

We all have them. Those things in the past that cut deep. So deep that when we think about them now, we start to feel the same emotions well up in us that did when we first experienced the hurt. As women we tend to interlink our life experiences with our emotions. So our past hurt can stir up emotions we thought for sure we had dealt with.

In marriage as well as in life when we dwell on the past, we tend to live in the past. Our hurts can threaten to stick us in one place but on the other hand it is vital in that they teach us many lessons and allow us to grow.

So how do we balance learning from the past and letting go?

• He can’t change the past, so stop expecting him to.

The things he has said or done cannot be undone. This does not mean that he is not accountable for his actions but that our God forgives  when we come to Him with a broken and contrite spirit. Sin is no longer a stronghold on him but in God he is redeemed.

• Look for God’s Footprints

Matt Redman’s song “Never Once”, says that

“Kneeling on this battle ground, seeing just how much You’ve done knowing every victory was Your power in us. Scars and struggles on the way but with joy our hearts can say, yes, our hearts can say: never once did we ever walk alone, never once did You leave us on our own. You are faithful, God, You are faithful.”

 So look back and see God’s faithfulness, choose to remember  that.

• Focus switch

It is always good to find something else to focus on. Other than pray and talk to God is to seek His word on what he wants for YOU as a wife.

HE SAYS…….

The past doesn’t always stay neatly in the past. When past hurts, pains and doubts creep back into marriage you have a choice. Fight or Surrender.

The other side of hurts is the side of the forgiven. That is when we have been forgiven for wounds caused, mistakes we made and sins committed.

• Wave the white flag.

When the day comes that an old doubt, fear or hurt crosses your wife’s mind its natural instinct to defend yourself. It is important that we fully surrender and choose to say again, “I’m sorry I hurt you” and “I love you”.

Taking a posture of surrender is not natural for men.Guilt,shame and sadness are not  emotions that any man will voluntarily choose to feel .

• Your wife is NOT GOD

When God forgives He removes that sin from us as far as the east is from the west. (Psalms 103.12).This is God’s nature but it’s not human nature. Your wife is striving to get there but from time to time the sin comes up from the past to influence her present.

Understanding this will help you love your wife during such moments.

..May we strive to get there.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE!

Today’s post is all about him, to one awesome guy.

My Dear Husband,

Today is your birthday! Do you feel old yet? No? Well that’s good because you are not allowed to get old yet. We haven’t had our 10 kids, so you have to stay young and active and funny until you’re at least 100…no, 120.

On a serious note…

Meeting you was a blessing and being married to you is the best thing in my life. You love me just the way God created me – – with every scar and imperfection. You make me want to be a better person, and you try your absolute hardest to make me happy, even when I’m being stubborn and pouty and difficult… which is often. Ha!

I love every day I get to spend with you. We make a great team.

I love our adventures. I always think about all the great places we have been together. But more than that, I appreciate the little things like going jogging together.   It is being with you that fills me with so much joy.

I love discovering your skills. You never fail to surprise me with your handiness. I enjoy doing projects with you. You are always patient with me and always willing to undertake my crazy projects or advising my adventurous entrepreneurial startups.

You are one amazing man and I am one lucky lady to get to spend the rest of my days with you! I am forever thankful to God and honored to be your wife. I feel like my life just started and I can’t wait for all the years we have ahead of us.

Happy Happy Birthday, babe! Thanks for making me the happiest girl in the world. I love you to the moon and back!

Friend-lationship?

“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony, in a moment”. – Mr. Darcy,Pride and Prejudice.

I once shared this post and would like to revisist it,its quite interesting after a friend of mine got himself in the same web….

” For the past few days, I feel like the process of having our minds be renewed, as well as the rest of us, is being heavily impressed upon me. At church on Sunday, the preacher discussed the importance of using our intellects to dissect and address the doubts that faith can so often bring to the surface. I had a conversation just yesterday with someone who pointed out that so many of our insecurities rest in the fact that our minds and thoughts are not being continuously brought under the lordship of Christ. And now, this idea was brought to my attention when I thought about how one’s imagination (especially for us ladies) affects dating and the path to marriage.

Arguably, the fact that there can be so much confusion when it comes to the beginning stages of a relationship, especially within Christian circles, does little to help the situation. Again, because of various books and teachings promoted recently in the Christian community, the process of moving from friend to date is fuzzy and can almost seem intrusive. Take, for example, the coffee date, using two made up examples.

Sheila is a bright, bubbly woman who has a lot of friends within her church and really does seek to honor the Lord in everything she does. Mike is also a strong believer, but he’s quieter and a bit more reflective than Sheila. Sheila and Mike are friends – nothing more. Mike thinks Sheila’s cute, but he doesn’t really see the need to make a move and ruin a good thing. Besides, he’s not quite sure that he’s ”ready” for a relationship. Sheila, on the other hand, thinks Mike’s great and wonders why he just can’t see how great they’d be together! So eventually, they have a wee chat after church one day, and Sheila brings up the book they are reading together, along with a few other friends. She suggests they grab a coffee to discuss it, so Mike agrees. They leave and plan for Saturday, when they go to a local coffee shop, drink coffee latte(at least, Sheila does) and use the guise of their common reading to dig a little deeper into the other person’s thoughts. Mike decides that he should pay for Sheila’s drink, since his mother used to tell him that that’s what good guys do. So Sheila takes the drink and spends the rest of the “date” floating because she’s convinced this is the beginning of a wonderful relationship. And while unassuming Mike is talking about his opinions on how to fight against idolatry, Sheila is imagining their future life together in their hometown, Malindi with two kids. Once their time is over, Mike thinks that it was a great experience – he got to talk to Sheila in a more one-on-one setting, and she didn’t have any expectations at all! He just knows that she understands that it’s just a friends thing, because it’s safer that way. Meanwhile, Sheila gets home and checks her phone every hour just to see if Mike has left a little cutesy text message for her. He never does, and Sheila gets angry. And then hurt. And Mike doesn’t understand why she doesn’t seem as happy to see him when they see each other at church the next day.

Clearly, this is an example of miscommunication in addition to the main issue at hand. However, there’s something deeper going on. Sheila’s expectations are so high for the coffee date that she ascribes her own (at that time, unrealistic) desires for the situation onto Mike, who is oblivious to them and has his own understanding of what’s going on. This speaks a lot to the problem of “friend-lationships” that are going on in the church in full force these days, but that’s for another time. Essentially, there are two ways that the “coffee date” can be turned into a vehicle for mass confusion and dashed expectations.

The first is to assume that the coffee date means more than what it is. But that is dangerous thinking, and will and often does lead to bitterness and resentment towards the unsuspecting other person. Additionally, some people might get nervous by the prospect if they’re not sure if they’re interested in the other person – does their date think that they’re going to automatically want to be in a relationship?! No, I don’t think that should be the case. There should be freedom and openness with these situations; a commitment does not come from just one coffee date, and it is unhealthy to put such high expectations on just one interaction.

The second confusion-enhancing aspect of the “coffee date” is to treat coffee dates as if they are less than what they are. Guys, this probably pertains most to you. If you ask a woman on a date, even if it’s coffee, it’s best to be honest and upfront with your intentions.

Dear Preacher

Why art thou downcast, O preacher? Oh, should’ve guessed — it’s us, right? Yes, yes, we the people of God are a stiff-necked-bow-legged flock, prone to not only wander but to waffle as did the fathers and mothers who so sensuously begot us. You’re in a hard place, we realize that, what is with the megachurch being so fashionable these days and everybody going from the small church, but let not your heart be troubled because it won’t be long until some remember the reason they left the little church. We applaud your efforts to make us fully devoted followers but we see ourselves as part-time saints at best and that suits us fine, just fine. Tell you what, here’s a bit of advice, please “receive it in the spirit in which it is intended” which we all know , “this might hurt.” Nevertheless, hear us out. This is what we need from you:

Remind us of the mercy,His MERCY.

Please, please don’t stop doing that, whatever else you may do but please don’t stop telling and retelling us that God loves us, better yet that He even likes us. Behold, we’re in the ring with the bulls, O preacher — the neighbors can’t afford a school backpack for their little girl and the other neighbor lost her husband last week  and the troubled man two streets away split with his gentle wife and the ink’s not even dry on the paperwork and he’s already got an old flame burning via Facebook and us, well we’ve put our hands to the family plow only to find that thorns are the usual reward of our labor not roses.

The parents start breaking down and now there are trips back home to hold Daddy’s hand as he slips beneath the surface of time and Momma is gradually forgetting the names of the children she nursed at her breast and we could go on but you know most of that because you always ask with the sincerest eyes. Still, we don’t always tell you everything that’s going on because sometimes the woolen-shame of our lives leaves us cotton-mouthed; we have lips but cannot speak.

So regardless of what bright-lights-moderate-ego conference you attend and even in spite of what the elders may say , just keep telling us of the mercies of our God, how wide and deep and grand and fresh-each-morning they are, because that’s what’s getting us from Sunday to Sunday, that’s what’s getting us from breath to breath. And that’s really your calling. Sure, we say we want other things from you, but most days we’re mostly fake, so do a little of that active listening you’re so skilled at and hear between our lines and don’t be disquieted, O preacher, for you see we need you, not to play the game for us, but to play it with us, to help us remember the God who so loved this sinful world that He gave and gave and gave and giveth still. His mercies they fail not and His faithfulness is great indeed, but we get spooked easily and thus forget.

Please point us to the cloud by day that covers all,to lead and guide us.

Hope in God, O preacher, for it is He who healeth our countenance, and that includes yours, too.

That word is what we need to hear,the word of God that sets us free.

It Is Not A Swap of Emotions

My marriage is wonderful, and my husband is incredible, but let me also say that our relationship isn’t perfect—it’s taken humility, patience, and grace to get where we are. There have been rough patches and some days when he didn’t seem all that “wonderful” to me, and I can imagine that he’s felt the same way.

I’ve come to see that love is like an oak tree. When nurtured it takes root. We have storms that leave us feeling confused and miserable, but we put effort into seeing them through, because both he and I know that with each passing season those roots are growing beyond what our senses observe.

Like most young couples, we started out eager yet unprepared. I was a young bride believing that love was give and take, and that a 50/50 partnership was ideal. As long as I was willing to meet him halfway on everything, we’d be just fine. But experience soon taught me that unless I was willing to give 100 percent of myself to this marriage, without expectation of return, my gift of love was little more than a swap of emotions.

“Without expectation of return?” You might ask, “Well that doesn’t seem fair.”

It’s a beautiful thing when two people love as they should love. When each person is putting into the marriage more than they’re hoping to gain. But we all have days, weeks–and for some it’s been years–when we feel that we’re not being loved as we should be. What then? The truth of the matter is that the return on our investment doesn’t always come from our husband, but it always comes from the Lord. We have that promise. When we put our hope in Him we have a guarantee that He rewards those who are faithful.

Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. – Luke 6:38, NIV

Love is a gift, and if we hand over a gift with one hand open while the other is closed, the gift is lost in exchange.

Marriage isn’t a barter system, and love isn’t a currency.

•       It’s exercising patience when your husband’s/wife’s habits are grating on every one of your nerves
•       It’s kindness when your partner is grumpy
•       It’s being humble enough to lose an argument when you feel that you’re right
•       It’s holding your temper when he/she says something in anger
•       It’s protecting his/her reputation from your own tongue
•       It’s trusting in his capabilities to handle a difficult task
•       It’s standing strong in difficult times

The question then would be, Why are we planting seeds without an expectation of return?

The answer is because we aren’t planting them for the sake of our husbands or for ourselves, we plant them for the sake of our Lord who loved us before we loved Him, and who gave His life freely while we were yet sinners. Love like that doesn’t carry an expectation, but it does carry a hope.

Sow your seed in the morning, and at evening let your hands not be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well. – Ecclesiastes 11:6, NIV

 

Love your wife and You love yourself

He’ll never forget those eyes, dancing above the rim of her glass the moment he walked into the room, the first dance of many . . . wild and wonderful.

Two years later (An eternity, he said!) they exchanged their vows before God and their loved ones and purposed to spend their lives as one.

As he lay across the bed from his beautiful, lovely Bride during their honeymoon, those dancing eyes held his gaze, grateful to God for such a humble and loving spirit.

Time. Suddenly all those years without her seemed lost.

Drinking in the moment’s wonder, his fingers fell lightly, high upon her cheek, he had prayed for a helpmate but God is full of surprises, He gave him a gift, a thankful spirit and love. What kind of woman did God give him? The very, very best. She is the most willing servant of God.

“Why didn’t I meet you ten years ago? Where were you? Look how much time we’ve missed being together.”

But life is like that, isn’t it? One day we wake up in an oasis wondering why we wandered around in the desert for so long. Why we took 40 years instead of 40 days to find that purpose, but at the end of the day God was sharpening us like iron.

He purposed right then and there, laying on the bed in their room, he would cherish this woman, his bride, this breath-taking gift from God, every day of his life. He will first be a servant of God, then a good husband and a loving father.

How great it would be to report that he loved her perfectly.

He reaches out to let her know how much she matters to him. She knows this – that it’s serious business with him. She is his priority because Jesus Christ made her his priority – and He expects to be obeyed. He wants him to love her as He loves His Bride.

Jesus is the example for every Christian man to know how to truly cherish his wife.

Wait a minute, Jesus isn’t married!

But He is (or soon will be). His Bride is the Church. And Christian men are instructed to love their wife as Jesus loves His – Ephesians 5:25

If you are a cherished woman, it’s likely no one would ask you. The lightness of your step and the radiance of your countenance are a dead give-away.

For those who are not, it’s especially tough. Not only is the wrongdoing against you ever present, when you’re in the valley of neglect it’s difficult to believe that God has just as much to do in you as in your spouse.

An 80 yr. old friend (ma granny) once told me, God has far more to do in you than through you. How true this is for every husband and wife. We forget that the refining work of our Lord doesn’t happen in the full light of the sun on breezy days but in the hot crucible of the Refiner’s Furnace – in the dark valleys of our journey. But, the intended refining only happens where the metal will yield to the severe, purifying heat. And, that’s tough for any wife who isn’t cherished.

I have a question for the husbands: Is your wife a cherished woman? If you don’t know, find a quiet moment to ask her, “Do you feel cherished by me?” and “How can I cherish you in a way that you truly feel it?”

You see, being the husband of a cherished woman just isn’t optional for a Christian man. This is the call of God on your life – to preach the Gospel with the power of your love for your wife – an expression to the world of how Jesus Christ loves His Bride, the Church. The same is true of every married Christian man.

When you love your wife you actually love yourself . . . because according to God, the two of you are one single entity. And a truly cherished wife takes great pleasure in returning that love with interest.

When a wife is cherished by her husband God smiles His approval, she reflects back her joy, and both spouses receive the benefits – the favor of God and the pleasure of a highly fulfilling marriage.

I will wait ……by Janette Ikz

Janette…ikz is one lady whose got talent and you just have to love her pieces if poetry and spoken word is your thing.Just love , love and love this poem/spoken word.

‘I will wait for you’ is a poem written by ‘Janette…ikz’ whose real name is Janette McGhee, a lyricist and spoken word poet. The poem ‘I will wait for you’ speaks about how long she is willing to wait for her God-chosen husband. She also gives the impression of finding contentment with Jesus Christ if he is to call her to a life of singleness, if that’s God’s plan for her. She also highlights the insecurities and pressures faced in her life of singleness and due to that, she yielded to unproductive relationships. At the end she re-directs her poem to who all Christians should be waiting for; Jesus Christ.

 

So it seemed,

that it was cool,

for everyone to be in a relationship but me.

 

So I took matters into my own hands

and… ended up with him.

him, who displayed the characteristics of a

cheater, a liar, an abuser, and a thief.

 

So why was I surprised when he broke into my heart?

I called 911, but I was cardiac-arrested for

aiding and abetting,

’cause it was me who let him in,

claiming we were “just friends.”

 

It was already decided for me by the first date that

even if he wasn’t,

I was gonna make him “the One.”

 

You know… I was tired of being alone,

and I simply made up in my mind,

that it was about that time

so I decided to drag him along for the ride,

’cause I was always the bridesmaid and never the bride.

 

A virgin in the physical,

but mentally just a grown woman on the corner in heat,

who was tired of the wait,

so I was gonna make him “the One.”

 

he had a… form of Godliness,

but not much.

 

But, but, hey, hey, I can change him,

so I’ll take him, I mean he’s close…

 

Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter,

not knowing the value of it’s used to be. (use to me?)

Arteries so clogged with my will,

it blocked His will from flowing through me.

So, I thank Christ that His blood pressure gave this heart an attack,

that flatlined my obscured vision, put me flat on my back.

 

Through my ignorance, He saw,

so through my sternum He sawed & cracked open my chest

to transplant Psalms 51:10,

a new heart

& a renewed right spirit within.

So now, I fully understand,

better yet, I thoroughly comprehend,

how much I need to wait

for You.

 

See,

the bad thing is

that I knew he wasn’t you from the beginning.

’cause in the beginning was the Word

and he didn’t even sound or shine like Your Son

 

Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks,

and all he could whisper was

sweet,

empty

nothings–

which meant nothing!

 

he couldn’t even have prayed when I needed him to,

asking him to fast would be absurd,

so, forget about being cleansed & washed with water through the Word.

 

But I know you,

you are already praying for me.

Even never having met me,

let me assure you,

I will wait

for you.

 

I will no longer date,

socialize or communicate with carbon copies of you

to appease my boredom

or to quench my thirsty desire I have for attention and short-lived compliments from ‘sorta kindas.’

 

You know, he ‘sorta kinda’ right, but ‘sorta kinda’ wrong?

His first name: Luke,

his last name: Warm.

 

Aye,

I won’t settle for false companionship.

I won’t lay in the embrace of his arms,

attempting to find some closeness,

but never feeling so far, far apart

’cause, I just wanna be held.

♫ ‘Cause all I gotta do is say♫

“No!”

 

No more ‘almost sessions’ of

‘almost coming close’

passing winks & buying drinks,

and ♫I’ma,

I’ma,

I’ma flirt!♫

Who flirts with the ideology of,

“Can you just tell me how much I can get away with & still be saved?”

 

No more.

 

I’ll stay in my bed,

alone,

and write poems,

about how I will wait for You.

 

he won’t even come close,

our fingers won’t even interlock,

we won’t even exchange breath,

’cause I have thoughts that I’ve ‘saved as’ in a file that God has only equipped you to open.

 

I will no longer get weighted  down,

from so-called friends & family talks,

about the concern for my biological clock

when I serve the Author of Time.

Who is not subject to time,

but I’m subject to Him.

He has the ability to stop, fast-forward, pause, or rewind at any given time.

So,

if we could role play,

you would be Abraham & I would be Sara,

or you can be Isaac & I can be Rebecca–a servant’s answered prayer.

I am

bone of your bone,

flesh of your flesh,

made up of your rib, Adam.

 

And once we meet,

like electrons, I will be bound to your nucleus,

completely indivisible

 

We even speak the same math:

1 + 1 + 1 = 3,

which really equals 1 if you add Him.

 

We were all created in His image,

but you have the ability to reflect, project & even detect

the Son.

If I were to explain what you look like,

you would have to look like a star–

a sun of the Son.

I would gain energy simply from the light that you shine on me.

I would need you in order to complete my photosynthesis.

I await your revelation, but once again from the genesis,

I will wait for you.

 

And I will know you

because when you speak,

I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom,

your ability to lead will remind me of Moses,

your faith will remind me of Abraham,

your confidence in God’s Word will remind me of Daniel,

your inspiration will remind me of Paul,

your heart for God will remind me of David,

your attention to detail will remind me of Noah,

your integrity will remind me of Joseph,

and your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the disciples,

but your ability to love selflessly & unconditionally will remind me of Christ.

But I won’t need to identify you by any special Matthews

or any special marks,

’cause His Word will be tatted all over your heart.

 

And you will know me,

and you will find me,

where

the boldness of Esther

meets the warm closeness of Ruth,

where the hospitality of Lydia

is aligned with the submission of Mary,

which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hanna.

I will be the one,

drenched in Proverbs 31,

waiting for you.

 

But to my Father,

my Father who has known me before I was birthed into this earth,

only if You should see fit.

 

I desire Your will above mine.

So even if you call me to a life of singleness,

my heart is content with You–the One who was sent.

You are the greatest love story ever told,

the greatest love ever known.

You are forever my judge & I’m forever Your witness,

and I pray that I’m always found on a mission about my Father’s business.

 

I will always be Yours,

and I will always wait for You, Lord.

More than the watchmen wait for the morning,

more than the watchmen wait for the morning,

I will wait.

 

The Unspoken

He checked the box for the bracelet for the umpteenth time. Another twelve hours and she would be back, from what his mother said. Some very urgent work had cropped up and they had gone over to her mother’s hometown.

As he cleared his bed, to retire for the night, he coaxed himself aloud for not having apologised to her earlier. It had been a week since they had last spoken. He knew she wanted him to take the first step. After all he was the one who insulted her, disappointed her. He hadn’t meant to do it, obviously, but nevertheless he did do it.

“Ego. That is what your problem is, James. You knew you were wrong. Yet, you couldn’t be bothered enough to say a simple sorry! You took it all out on her instead. Of course, she wouldn’t talk to you,” he chided himself, rolling up his clothes in a ball and dumping them on the chair. Removing his laptop and its charger tangled with the endless earphones, “Make sure you don’t hurt her again. It’s her birthday the day after. Make it her best. You know you love her. She needs to know it too. Enough with your… Ahh! Finally!” he exhaled jubilantly on untangling the wiry mess.

He fell off to sleep thinking about her.

Having snoozed his alarm twice, James woke up only when his mother came to remind him he would be late for office. He told her he was taking the Saturday off. Only when he finally got out of bed, did he realize he had only an hour left before the train arrived.

Barely had he awoken, when his mother came in blabbering excitedly, “I just spoke to Mercy(referring to Rita’s mother). Their train arrived early. Somehow.”

“What? How? What’s wrong with the Railways?” he asked, hurrying to the washroom!

“That’s not the point, though I wondered that too. Rita got engaged,” she finished.

Hands still on the handle of the washroom door, holding his breath, stopping in his tracks, pulsating heart, he just about managed to blurt, “What are you saying, Ma?”

“I don’t know the details yet but looks like that is why they had gone to Mombasa in such a hurry. They are on their way already. Go, get ready. I am preparing breakfast for them.”

“Okay,” is all he said, before shutting himself in the bathroom.

James felt his body slide down to the floor. He could taste the tears coming out of his eyes, rolling down his cheeks and pooling by his lips. His hands trembled as he ran them through his hair. He had to meet her. He had to get up. Yet, he couldn’t find the strength to even move. He felt broken. He kept sitting there till he finally found himself capable of getting to the shower at least. Turning it on, he felt the water seeping through his night clothes, he still had on. He didn’t care. He just wanted to wash away all the memories of the week before. He wanted his friend back. Single. Clutching at his hair, he waited for the water to work its magic. Tired of holding his breath and sobbing into the water, he turned the shower off to go and wash his face at the basin, not realizing how pointless the whole exercise was. He felt numb, senseless, insignificant, dejected, and incapable all at once.

“James, Rita’s here. She’s asking for you. Are you done?” his sister asked, knocking on the door.

Regaining composure, he blurted, “Yes, almost. Could you hand me a towel and a set of clothes, please?”

When he emerged presentable, he found Rita working on her laptop. She looked up at him, and clarified, “Just checking the office mail.”

He didn’t bother to reply.

“Rita, I have something for you,” he called out to her.

“Okay,” she said, her voice betraying her curiosity. She walked up to him and asked, “What?”

He turned around and looked into her eyes. “This,” handing over the box to her. “

And “congratulations.”

“Thank you. Nothing was final. So I didn’t tell you anything. Plus, we weren’t talking. So…” she trailed off, as she opened the box. “This is so beautiful. I love it. Thank you!” she said softly, looking up at him.

“I am sorry, Rita,” James said, embracing her.

Surprised and slightly taken aback, she hugged her friend back.

“I love you, Rita,” he said.

“Yes, I know that, James. I love you too,” she said smiling.

“Missed me a little too much, huh?” she asked, mocking him, just as tears welled up in his eyes.

“Are you okay?” she asked him, rubbing his back.

“Yes,” he said.

“I will be. Eventually,” he thought.

And he let her go of the embrace.

Graciously Yours!

COHABITATION : Why “trial run”?

This was a very heated conversation I had last week with a group of friends and all went flaring.How right is it or how wrong is it?Anyway let us delve in it.

Getting married is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make. If marriage is a lifetime commitment, then why not have a “trial run” before making it official?

Many couples do exactly that. In fact, living together before marriage is becoming increasingly common, even among Christian couples. We reason that living together before marriage just makes sense. This is particularly a strong argument for those who are hesitant about a lifetime commitment. Having witnessed the pain divorce creates in many families, they know that a fairy tale wedding in a packed church doesn’t guarantee happily-ever-after ending.

Cohabitation sets a couple up for bailing on marriage when things get difficult. Holding sexual fidelity and the marriage covenant as sacred before God impacts your willingness to work through the challenges of life together.

Studies also indicate that couples living together are more likely to experience sexual unfaithfulness, domestic violence, and higher levels of relational unhappiness.

Cohabitation is intimacy on a man’s terms.

Glenn Stanton, author of The Ring Makes All the Difference believes strongly that the growing trend toward cohabitation is putting women at risk. While women have great power in the marriage relationship, they have relatively little “leverage” as a live-in. Stanton argues that cohabitation puts men in the driver’s seat. They get what they want (sex and companionship) without giving what they fear (commitment).

While this may be painting with a broad brush, I think Stanton is hitting on a fundamental truth. To a large degree, men are convinced to commit to marriage because they long for companionship and a sexual partner. When a woman makes marriage the condition for giving herself to a man, she may lose a guy who has no interest in commitment, but she will challenge a “good man” to take the step of a marriage covenant.

Cohabitation is taking yourself out of God’s will.There is nothing I fear more than being out of God’s will. I’ve seen enough pain and devastation in this world to know that I need God—every hour of every day, I need his wisdom and comfort. As my husband, Patric, and I navigate our marriage, we know that on our own, it’s not enough. No amount of psychological training, self-help books, or will power can adequately equip us for life.

I find tremendous comfort knowing that we can cry out to God and trust him to give us wisdom no matter what comes our way. Even when I don’t feel His presence, I know he is there. Why? Because He has promised me that He will draw near to us when we draw near to Him. Access to God’s wisdom and comfort is largely dependent upon our willingness to abide in him—to walk in obedience. “So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth. But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin,” 1 John 1:6–7 says.

By choosing to ignore God’s teaching on marriage and sexuality, you are electing to walk in darkness and to do life on your own terms. You can’t claim the rich promises of God while living in stubborn rebellion against His expressed will for you.

Now what?

Taking a stand to be sexually pure when you’ve already crossed that line takes a step of faith. Frankly, it means that you might lose your boyfriend/girlfriend. It means that you may have to temporarily create an earthquake in your life. The ground that seemed steady will shift.

But the foundation you choose is absolutely critical. “Playing married” without the sacred commitment of marriage is choosing to build a house on an unstable and volatile foundation. I urge you to bring yourself before Jesus and ask him to show you how to rebuild on the truth of his unchanging Word.